Mourning the Donkeys...

Wow.

Just freaking wow.

I've been a Donkeys fan... Excuse me, I guess they still go by "The Denver Broncos", even after tonight...

I've been a Broncos fan since the pre-Elway days. Some of my fondest memories include being witness to "The Drive" before it became a Greatest Moments of the NFL highlight reel, and spending freezing Sunday afternoons with Dad after church on the cold steel benches of mile high, rain, sun, or even snow, with Mom's big thermos of hot chocolate or chicken soup to keep us warm as we stomped and jumped up and shouted for our team. I was there with Dad at our version of the Ice Bowl, when it snowed like mad and the temp dropped to -5 in Denver and we kicked the Bolts all the way back to sunny San Diego.

Speaking of the Bolts, I'm sure Phillip Rivers will continue his asinine attempts to singlehandedly disarm the rest of the NFL with his mouth. Especially after his main rival of a quarterback loses 41-7 over a team that every single expert picked to slaughter the Patriots tonight. The only thing missing that would have made it truly horrendous would have been having John Madden commenting...and the ESPN guys did a good job of trying to live up to his lack of IQ.


But you know, that's not what gets me, or really even matters. This isn't even really a football thing, though it's hard when you've been a coach, and you know what needs to adjust (even form a basic standpoint, you know? wrap the guy up, don't arm tackle, stay over your center of gravity, cover the ball with both hands. cover the ball with both hands. COVER THE BALL WITH BOTH HANDS!) and your screaming just seems to have no effect...

No it's really about this. I rise and fall with my team. My Dad is the same way. Their success is our success, because it's our team. Their failure stings us, because even when they are the Donkeys, they're still my team.

Loyalty can be a real stink sometimes. That's why it's a rare character trait, I think.

But see, I do the same thing in most of my relationships, especially as a minister. I tend to rise and fall with those around me. It's wierd, I know, but when I'm in good community, and helping people, and I see them grow, and there's success there, I am unstoppable! It's like a vicarious high.

But the opposite is true as well. I get disjointed in a relationship, or someone is mad at me. Someone rejects my advice and then they go hurt themselves or someone else with failure, I agonize over these things. It's not just a "well that stinks" kind of thing, it's the "I want to just throw in the towel and go be a....well I have no idea what I would go be, but definitely not helping people, because people stink!" kind of thought. I rise with those I care about, I fall with those I care about. I rise with those I minister to, I fall with them too.

I'm not sure whether this is an asset or a liability to me in ministry. I think it's like anything, a strong point that can also be an Achilles heel sometimes when Satan knows just how to twist it.

The real scary thing I have to try to avoid is this sense of "my life is valid because I help people. Their success is my success." it's pretty easy for most of us to do, I guess. That in and of itself, that you get satisfaction from investing in others is not bad, but when you begin to let it define your identity more than how God feels about you, and how you're relating to him, that's dangerous. And I know lots of ministers, myself included, have to fight against that. Lots of people who aren't ministers have to fight that in their respective arenas.

The flip side of that coin, though, is when your "team" fails, whether that's your friends, your family, those you minister to, or the Donkeys. I mean, Broncos. Do you distance yourself to protect yourself? Do you mourn with them in loss or failure? Do you let it affect you more than it should? Do you hang their failure as a marker of your failure, when you have absolutely no control over them?

I was talking with a new friend I made this past weekend about this guy she was in a mixed up relationship with. And as we talked, it became more apparent to me, and with some well placed questions and insights, to her as well, that her big issue in this is that she is trying to have control over this relationship, when the reality is that she has zero control over this guy, because that's the way it is with other people. You can love them, you can try to help, but don't expect them to do what you want them to do, because ultimately what they do can only be controlled by them and God, and you are neither of those people.

As we talked more about why we do that in our relationships, we hit on the fact that so often we are tempted to control because, really, we don't trust that our needs can be met. That God can handle it all, that we can just be us and be OK. Something else has to qualify that, like we have to be attractive to someone, or someone has to need us, or someone has to love us, or give themselves to us sexually, or we have to pin this or that success on to qualify ourselves, be that in our families, or our jobs, or our abilities, or our ministry, or whatever. We rise with them, we fall with them. But we never stay constant, which God could take care of for us, because we are afraid that our needs won't be met, so we continue to try to fill it ourselves.

Now I'm not saying that I'm involved in idolatry because I get too involved with the Broncos. At least I don't think, my wife might disagree...
What I guess I'm saying is that loyalty has its place, being successful has a place. Investing in people has a place, and feeling good about what you do has a place. When someone succeeds you rejoice, when someone fails, you mourn. When you have needs, you want them to be met, that has a place. When someone loves you, you should feel good, and should want to love them back. relationships should be quality and lift you up and encourage you.

But none of those things should be part of what defines you. They are all circumstantial, ultimately they all have pieces beyond your control, and so they will never define you in a way that is satisfactory. Only when God starts defining us do we find the satisfaction that goes beyond external definitions.

The Broncos definitely laid an egg tonight, no questions. they almost got shut out. They looked like they had no business playing tonight. Many people on the ESPN boards readily called them "a bad team". the same people were probably calling them a "great team" in week 3 when they were 3-0. Now they are 4-3 and "bad".

But are they? I don't know, because I can only see right now. It's an event, it hasn't defined their character. It may show things to work on and areas of need, but like my man Hutch said over on his blog the other day, failure is an event not a character trait.

It's the same with us, and in our "teams" of life, families, friends, loved ones, etc. There's got to be more that defines us. Jesus says He is the constant that defines us, that how He sees us is how we are. And He sees us as beautiful, worthy, and passionately cared for. God, help me to see myself that way regardless of the externals.

And God, please help the Donkeys in Week 8. Oh wait, it's a bye week....