Facebook has me in it's grasp...

OK, I'd like to think I can hold my own in the lands of trends and cutting edge. I don't get swallowed up by it, but I can interact with it well and know basic terminology, like "blog", "Podcast", and even "TomKat".

There was something about Facebook, though, that made me say, "I just don't want to go there" for the longest time. I don't know what it was. Maybe I am getting older, more resistant to "new stuff". Then again, I am going to be in line tonight at midnight with all the crazies when "Fallout 3" comes out. For the PC, of course! none of that wussy console gaming...except Wii. :)

Maybe it's the bad taste in my mouth from MySpace. I just got tired of it, you know? The busy pages, the spam bulletins, the "watching my youth group kids turn out to be completely amoral while online..."

Maybe it's just that I'm actually getting responsible and don't have as much time to waste...Nah that couldn't be it. After all I blog! :)

So while everyone was telling me for months, "hey you need to be on Facebook so you can communicate with everyone!" I said, "nah, you can always text me". I know, that is soooo 2006... what can I say I'm set in my ways.

But then, the unthinkable happened. My wife joined Facebook. Now all of a sudden, the stakes are raised, because now my wife is MORE CUTTING EDGE THAN ME. Problem!

Ok, no not really. But then she started finding high school friends (not at ALL an incentive for me, except about 5 people) and youth group buddies (much bigger incentive) and college roommates (ok, I'm considering it now) and friends from previous ministries (alright, maybe if you sign me up) and that even Grandma June had a Facebook and I didn't (that's low, dear...)

So last week she signed me up on Thursday.

By Friday I had 25 friends.

By Saturday it was 50.

On Sunday I had more friends than her, was still going, and reclaimed my rightful role as Extrovert of the House.

Now it has it's claws in me for good, because I don't have to IM separately all the time or worry about weird bulletins coming up (for now, I'm sure we'll get some great hacks coming out soon).

So far, productivity remains solid. for now.

I guess it just goes to show you how we need communication. I'll be the first to admit I'm not one of those guys who keeps up with old friends very well. Not because I don't want to, but because of the effort and time that communication requires, and it usually gets cramped out by the daily details of life. I doubt I'm alone in that method of thinking and living, you know?

But it is important to maintain relationships, and I guess anything that helps us do that is good, even if it's billed as a time waster....

oooh, hang on, got another friend notification...

Mourning the Donkeys...

Wow.

Just freaking wow.

I've been a Donkeys fan... Excuse me, I guess they still go by "The Denver Broncos", even after tonight...

I've been a Broncos fan since the pre-Elway days. Some of my fondest memories include being witness to "The Drive" before it became a Greatest Moments of the NFL highlight reel, and spending freezing Sunday afternoons with Dad after church on the cold steel benches of mile high, rain, sun, or even snow, with Mom's big thermos of hot chocolate or chicken soup to keep us warm as we stomped and jumped up and shouted for our team. I was there with Dad at our version of the Ice Bowl, when it snowed like mad and the temp dropped to -5 in Denver and we kicked the Bolts all the way back to sunny San Diego.

Speaking of the Bolts, I'm sure Phillip Rivers will continue his asinine attempts to singlehandedly disarm the rest of the NFL with his mouth. Especially after his main rival of a quarterback loses 41-7 over a team that every single expert picked to slaughter the Patriots tonight. The only thing missing that would have made it truly horrendous would have been having John Madden commenting...and the ESPN guys did a good job of trying to live up to his lack of IQ.


But you know, that's not what gets me, or really even matters. This isn't even really a football thing, though it's hard when you've been a coach, and you know what needs to adjust (even form a basic standpoint, you know? wrap the guy up, don't arm tackle, stay over your center of gravity, cover the ball with both hands. cover the ball with both hands. COVER THE BALL WITH BOTH HANDS!) and your screaming just seems to have no effect...

No it's really about this. I rise and fall with my team. My Dad is the same way. Their success is our success, because it's our team. Their failure stings us, because even when they are the Donkeys, they're still my team.

Loyalty can be a real stink sometimes. That's why it's a rare character trait, I think.

But see, I do the same thing in most of my relationships, especially as a minister. I tend to rise and fall with those around me. It's wierd, I know, but when I'm in good community, and helping people, and I see them grow, and there's success there, I am unstoppable! It's like a vicarious high.

But the opposite is true as well. I get disjointed in a relationship, or someone is mad at me. Someone rejects my advice and then they go hurt themselves or someone else with failure, I agonize over these things. It's not just a "well that stinks" kind of thing, it's the "I want to just throw in the towel and go be a....well I have no idea what I would go be, but definitely not helping people, because people stink!" kind of thought. I rise with those I care about, I fall with those I care about. I rise with those I minister to, I fall with them too.

I'm not sure whether this is an asset or a liability to me in ministry. I think it's like anything, a strong point that can also be an Achilles heel sometimes when Satan knows just how to twist it.

The real scary thing I have to try to avoid is this sense of "my life is valid because I help people. Their success is my success." it's pretty easy for most of us to do, I guess. That in and of itself, that you get satisfaction from investing in others is not bad, but when you begin to let it define your identity more than how God feels about you, and how you're relating to him, that's dangerous. And I know lots of ministers, myself included, have to fight against that. Lots of people who aren't ministers have to fight that in their respective arenas.

The flip side of that coin, though, is when your "team" fails, whether that's your friends, your family, those you minister to, or the Donkeys. I mean, Broncos. Do you distance yourself to protect yourself? Do you mourn with them in loss or failure? Do you let it affect you more than it should? Do you hang their failure as a marker of your failure, when you have absolutely no control over them?

I was talking with a new friend I made this past weekend about this guy she was in a mixed up relationship with. And as we talked, it became more apparent to me, and with some well placed questions and insights, to her as well, that her big issue in this is that she is trying to have control over this relationship, when the reality is that she has zero control over this guy, because that's the way it is with other people. You can love them, you can try to help, but don't expect them to do what you want them to do, because ultimately what they do can only be controlled by them and God, and you are neither of those people.

As we talked more about why we do that in our relationships, we hit on the fact that so often we are tempted to control because, really, we don't trust that our needs can be met. That God can handle it all, that we can just be us and be OK. Something else has to qualify that, like we have to be attractive to someone, or someone has to need us, or someone has to love us, or give themselves to us sexually, or we have to pin this or that success on to qualify ourselves, be that in our families, or our jobs, or our abilities, or our ministry, or whatever. We rise with them, we fall with them. But we never stay constant, which God could take care of for us, because we are afraid that our needs won't be met, so we continue to try to fill it ourselves.

Now I'm not saying that I'm involved in idolatry because I get too involved with the Broncos. At least I don't think, my wife might disagree...
What I guess I'm saying is that loyalty has its place, being successful has a place. Investing in people has a place, and feeling good about what you do has a place. When someone succeeds you rejoice, when someone fails, you mourn. When you have needs, you want them to be met, that has a place. When someone loves you, you should feel good, and should want to love them back. relationships should be quality and lift you up and encourage you.

But none of those things should be part of what defines you. They are all circumstantial, ultimately they all have pieces beyond your control, and so they will never define you in a way that is satisfactory. Only when God starts defining us do we find the satisfaction that goes beyond external definitions.

The Broncos definitely laid an egg tonight, no questions. they almost got shut out. They looked like they had no business playing tonight. Many people on the ESPN boards readily called them "a bad team". the same people were probably calling them a "great team" in week 3 when they were 3-0. Now they are 4-3 and "bad".

But are they? I don't know, because I can only see right now. It's an event, it hasn't defined their character. It may show things to work on and areas of need, but like my man Hutch said over on his blog the other day, failure is an event not a character trait.

It's the same with us, and in our "teams" of life, families, friends, loved ones, etc. There's got to be more that defines us. Jesus says He is the constant that defines us, that how He sees us is how we are. And He sees us as beautiful, worthy, and passionately cared for. God, help me to see myself that way regardless of the externals.

And God, please help the Donkeys in Week 8. Oh wait, it's a bye week....

CAN I HAZ KITTY PLZ?? K THXBY!

OK, I have a new reason not to stop at fast food joints besides trans fats now. You might end up with your happy meal prize being a kitten.

Yep, we have a new addition to the family now. Her name is Bonita, keeping with the "B" name theme, so now we have Bailey the dog, Bella the cat, and Bonita the puffball.

The worst part is, we could have had a boy kitten. I relinquished my right too quickly, and once again, I am still the only male in the house. Well, besides the beta fish Sammie, and most of our "man bonding" involves me staring at him while he beats his head against the glass of his bowl because he thinks he wants to take me on.

Come to think of it, maybe we are bonding after all...but I digress...

Anyway, we stopped on the way home from camping this weekend with the church up near Leavenworth for dinner at a drive in called Zeke's. They have great ostrich burgers, as I was told by a fellow camper, and tried for myself. What can I say, I'm a sucker for eating strange meat. No cat jokes yet, OK?

Our little one was enamored by what appeared to be a stray cat by the trash cans while we were ordering our dinner. The fact he was around and alive made me feel better about what was in my burger actually being ostrich, but then she started the petting. My lovely wife went to check out the cat, no doubt to see if our daughter now needed a good handwashing, and that's when the question popped out from my little one "Can we take her home?"

I began thinking of 20 reasons why we wouldn't take the cat home, but the lady in line behind us, who was some Neo-PETA animal rescue lady, plants the idea firmly in my four-year-old's mind that this is a great idea to give kitty a new home with us, that it's the earth-freindly thing to do. Obviously, we as parents should have no problem with this. I confess, I really wanted to go help her hug a tree right then. Very hard.

Fortunately, I thought, the owner stuck his head out of the window and came to my rescue, saying, "Actually that's my grandson's cat."

Oh, too bad, kitty's already got a home. Let's get our food and get out of here before PETA lady introduces my daughter to any other great ideas...

And then the owner kills me with "She just had a litter of kittens."

It's over. Because now not only is my little love gasping and crying out "KITTINZ?" with her hands clasped together, but love of my life also has the "we're going kitty adopting" gleam in her eye.

I try the financial way out..."Well, how much do they cost, because frankly, we're a little strapped for cash right now, and I don't think we can afford to..."

He doesn't get the hint. In fact, He moves to seal the deal. "Nope. They don't cost anything. We're giving them away. That is, if you're interested..." His eye gleams. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing to me!

So I find myself going up to the barn (they live on site at the hamburger joint, you see. Of course!) and looking at four kittens. Three of them back off. They know not to mess with me right now. One doesn't, and comes loping across the floor to us.

It takes about thirty seconds to figure out this is the one going home with us.

So we spend the rest of the night with puffball curled up in the folds of my wife's hoodie, while we are all trying to figure out names for her. We finally settle on "Bonita Naranjita", Spanish for "Little, Orange and Cute". It works.

I have found out, though, that she likes to play Wii. Or at least play with the Wii-mote.

One thing though. Bella, she is not a happy camper about this. She has yet to go on hunger strike or show her disdain publicly by pooping in the living room, but she is having a hard time adjusting. As you can see, this is what she looked like the night we brought the puffball home. If this doesn't say "I am not amused," then I don't know what does. :)

So now I'm outnumbered 5 to 1 in the house. Or 1 and a half I guess...time to go spend some quality "man time" with my fish...

He never rode an elephant. He only rode a donkey once, and was crucified shortly thereafter. Any Questions?

Well, election season is upon us once again...your bag limit is one politician per license without a special permit. :)

I'm very ambivalent about this election, maybe more so than at any other time. That may seem strange since most I meet seem to think, because of the war, the economy, and the general and moral state of the Union, that this is a pivotal and critical election.

We were discussing last Wednesday at our after-church fellowship time at the house how neither candidate really does it for most of us, and in fact we're kind of scared of both of them somewhat, one for being a wild card, and the other for being slicker than Willie.

And that's when my good friend and partner in crime and ministry Sig made his reference to "it's kind of like Alien vs. Predator. You're just kind of hoping that somehow they both die in the process, and you can escape the fallout. But you don't. No one does."

And it was settled. We would make our own stupid internet image, showcasing my mad skillz at Photoshop (or lack thereof), and it would be the next big thing, the viral of virals, bigger than our VBS videos of The Noah Project on you tube. OK, maybe not, but it would be fun.

And so on a rainy Thursday with too much free time, I came up with this:
And, as sig said so eloquently, that about sums it up.


Ok, it's not that I'm anti-American, or one of those guys who believes that because I'm a Christian, I shouldn't render squat to Caesar or something. Instead, I'm just really under the belief that this really isn't going to fix much. It's not defeatist, it's not even pessimistic. I'm just hooked on the reality that man isn't going to fix man's issues. No matter how good the governmental structure, no matter how slick or genuine the promises, no matter how charismatic the leader.

I recently read Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne. I agree with a good bit of it, and it's a good read for anyone trying to separate meaningful Discipleship and Jesus-following from Cultural Christianity, especially in the political realm. One of the big things I think about as a Christian being assaulted by politics, though, is that Jesus isn't interested in being president anyway. I mean, Jesus never once says in the Bible "accept me!" He doesn't need it. His words are always "follow me". Jesus is Lord, he knows it, and he wants us to follow, but he's not out campaigning for my faith. He's already backed it with his actions. No slogans, no promises that I wonder whether he can keep or not. He's already done it. And now He's moving through history, inviting me to follow in his steps. It's totally against everything foundational to the popular vote and modern politics. I love it!

So I'm not encouraging anyone to do any more or less than "render to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's". You've got the privilege (God given by His allowance, mind you), to cast a vote. So do something with it. Or do something by doing nothing with it. About all God doesn't want you to do is bury it in a hole in the ground, like any other gift or talent. But don't hang your hat on a guy, or a principle, or an idea, or especially "change", especially change for change's sake. (sorry, I had to throw that in. I guess I am a little biased more one way than another). Our vision's not big enough. We need the God-Man. We need the Redeemer. He is, after all, the King of the Mess as well as Heaven. ;)

The old college try...again...updating and maintaining a blog, Take 2!

Ok, so I find myself staring at the blogger page and realizing I haven't posted anything since May. It's not because I haven't had the thoughts to do so, really. There's been ALOT. The reality is, I'm an undisciplined guy.

I get disciplined quite a bit, but being disciplined is something else.


So I guess I could post the world's longest blog post to try to catch up, or i could just bullet point the highlights to fill the space between then and now. So, here we go!

May 27 - Mark, our preaching guy, goes in for open heart surgery. I actually have the foreknowledge of this fact for about 2 months, so I actually get to prepare to take over a good portion of the preaching reigns, as well as being the go-to-guy in church. This is a new experience for me, as I have previously been a youth ministry guy in churches and basically only good for playing dodge ball and planning lock ins. Just kidding.

May 26 - I taste my last bite of food for 40 days. This was prompted in part by the fact that, despite all the humor, the responsibilities I was getting ready to take on were scaring the dickens out of me, and I was also feeling that this time would be a big transition time for both our church and myself, either a storm we would weather or a spring board that would take us to new heights. I really wanted God to do the latter with us. So I entered into a period of fasting for 40 days, coinciding nicely with the space between memorial day and the 4th of July. I was also prompted by This Book that really put a new perspective on how dependent I am on myself instead of God, and how fasting can really cure me of that rampant independence from God.

June 1- I preach the first of an 8 part sermon series broken into two themes: The Surrendered Heart and The Awakened Heart. The thrust is that we will never be what God desires unless we embrace surrender, and that once we really incorporate surrender into our lives, He can Awaken us to His vision for our lives. I manage to keep it under 40 minutes. :) Just kidding.


June 6 - I get to do Nikki and Dean's wedding. It is cute down to the edges, with crying flower girls (in a very cute way) and the bridal party sashaying in to top 40 music. Lots of fun.


June 20-22 - we do a young pros retreat to Ocean Shores. Our theme is "Recovering our Rest" and we rest a lot. It is without a doubt one of the best retreats I've ever had, complete with beach volleyball, a huge bonfire on Sat. night, and driving on the beach in the Jeep. Oh Yeah!


June 29-July 2 - I direct our 1st and 2nd grade camp in Mark's place. I have tons of our friends involved and it is without a doubt some of the most fun I've had in a while. God also starts revealing during this time that He is beginning to move me into other roles long-term with the youth ministry.

July 4th - After 4 sermons and 40 days, I break fast with about 60 people, most of whom have no idea of the significance, at Lane's house for his Independence Day celebration. I break fast with his tri-tip, and the awesomeness overwhelmes me like a Chuck Norris roundhouse. All the fireworks in the area spontaneously combust and I am immediately transported to heaven. Then they rouse me from unconsciousness. No, really, it was that good! Phil and Scott also teach me how to make a sparkler bomb. This is no less momentus, in my book.

July 28th - My daughter turns 4. Great party, awesome cake, ( I really wanted to hide it in someone's bed like the Godfather), and she is really growing up. Her present? Ballet lessons!

August 3rd - I finish the sermon series, which has grown a couple of weeks as we experienced the reality of "flexible recovery time" with Mark. I don't speak for a whole week, because I have used up all my words and have to refill. God is still working on some of the things we talked about, but He is more than faithful, both in sustaining and supplementing me, and in beginnning changes in our church. Awesome!

August 15th - After much prayer and searching for God's wisdom, Nicole and I decide to pursue adoption to add to our family. We begin the process for state licensed foster care and enrolling in the foster-to-adopt program.

August 19th - Sarah and Kaylee, our "Supplemental family" since April, launch successfully into their own apartment! We rejoice with them, and then realize how quiet a house can get when you suddenly remove half the occupants. It takes the rest of the month to get used to. We still really miss them, yet we're glad things are working out like we all had hoped.

Late August - our friends Chris and Heather come out from Colorado. It's the best friend visit ever. I get my first real body damage in the Jeep on my rear bumper from rock crawling with Chris at Tahuya off-road park.

August 16 - Chris, Tyler and I have a "Man Study Reunion" and what do we do? Go to the Seahawks game and watch them spank Chicago. I think it might be the only game they won. Yea, preseason!

September 20-30 - we head out to New England to see the in-laws. Raegan is especially excited to finally follow in the footsteps of the Pirates who Don't do Anything and "go to Boston in the Fall". The trip is punctuated with both novelty and irony. I get airsick for the first time in 31 years, because I am battling the flu for the first 48 hours of our vacation, including the overnight flight. UGH. It is sunny and 70's in western Washington, while we get to deal with the 12+ inches of rain that hurricane Kyle deposits on my In-Law's lake house in Maine. My interaction with the in-laws revolves mostly around fixing my mother-in-laws exhaust (which, admittedly, broke when I ran over a retread tire that a semi blew out in front of me, but it was WAY rusted out to begin with) and working on my father in law's sump pump so the house doesn't flood. On the flip side, we got to go to the ice cream mecca of the world, Waterbury, VT to the home of BEN AND JERRY'S!. and we did finally get to see Boston in the Fall.


October 1 - after completing numerous paperwork forms, getting our house evaluated top to bottom, and going to some seriously silly classes, and some really good ones, the state certifies us as foster care ready. As of this writing, we are still waiting for Olympia to follow through with the paperwork...

October 11 - After participating in the church camp out at Leavenworth for a night, we head home so Dad can lead worship and teach class to the remnant at the building. What starts as a run of the mill trip home turns exciting when we stop at a local drive in restaurant called Zeke's. the owner notices our infatuation with the family cat (that is to say, Raegan's), and lets us know that she just had a litter of kittens about 8 weeks ago, and they're giving them away for free! It's all downhill from there, and soon, we are driving home with the latest addition to the family, Bonita. Added to Bailey and Bella, we are running out of B names. I need a boy dog so I can call him Bronco, or Buck, or something like that. Frankly, I just need another man in the house. I am now outnumbered 5 to 1 officially. Nicole tries to add in Sammy the Beta fish to help me out, but I maintain that there is no "man connection" since about all he does when he sees me is pound the glass of his bowl with his head. Quite manly, but no connection.

So there we go. Now for maintenance. We'll see how it goes...:)

God, Poker, and Starving Jesus...

Yeah, it's been awhile since I posted. And wow, a lot has happened in the past month. I'll try not to let it turn into a bulleted list.

First, I got to take a trip to Las Vegas about two weeks ago with a guy named Ash from my church that runs a comic book and game store, for a convention there. Basically my job at this thing was to be the idiot test, the client in the middle of all the retailers who can ask the dumb questions, really find out if this thing is interesting or not, and ultimately say, "yeah, I would play this or read this" or "no way, this stinks, no matter how hard they try to sell it."

I threw myself into all of this with much enthusiasm, and was rewarded with a lot of knowledge about the game industry, some really sore feet ( you gotta walk EVERYWHERE on the Strip), some really great inside jokes (two words: STEEL TRAP) and about 5 extra pounds from the great food at the Venetian.

I also got to answer a question that was bugging me for a long time, and that was simply this: Could I live like Jesus in an area that is like the Vegas Strip? It's an honest question. Sin and temptation is all around you, can you still enjoy yourself apart from sin, but more importantly, it was the challenge of God to me saying, can you still be the same guy that you are in the building on Sunday? Or will you compromise a little here or there? I decided to surrender myself to doing this God's way, and ended up with some amazing experiences, like a conversation with an A-10 pilot based out of Georgia named Scott at the Excalibur. I hope it's not the only time that salvation and Christ has been discussed at a 2-4 Hold 'Em table, but I know by the time we were into it, most of the table was listening, probably because it seemed so out of place, but it shouldn't have been.

It was awesome, because he had a Catholic background, his wife was completely out of any church background, and both of them are on the edge about getting into church, and God puts me int he seat next to him. We maybe played a third of the hands, and the rest of the time, we are just sitting there talking about Christ, openly and freely.

When I was getting ready to leave, he was musing that Vegas was the last place he expected to start finding some clarity about God and church. Funny, but I would think that should be a place chock full of the disciples of Jesus, since that kind of place would have the people He hung out with. Nevertheless, an awesome experience, one of many. Scott, I pray you and your wife find Jesus everywhere, and that you can't get rid of Him, and that He invades your life with His love so you will know that He wants all of your lives, and that you'll give it to Him.

So anyway, about that extra 5 pounds I gained... well, I got home, and frankly I'm getting a little sick of being as overweight as I am. It's not the most I've ever been in my life, but it's substantial so I went through the usual thing of "should I diet and how", and "I should exercise more" and all that. In the middle of this, though, I started reading a book that my friend at church Aaron gave me called "Starving Jesus". It's basically a wake up call to the church to stop the pattern of starving Jesus to feed ourselves and start starving our lives in order to feast on Him. To move from self-filling independence to complete dependence on Him, to be satisfied only by Him.

This all coincides with the fact that I see more and more that our church is at a crossroads. We are growing more in attendance than ever before, yet we seem to be losing some of our passion at the same time. We are searching for a coherent vision from God to empower both our leadership and the folks in the pews to get out of the pews and be Him. In some ways we seem to be spinning our wheels. Projects are started and not finished. Long time volunteers are getting stressed out and burned out, and no new replacements are stepping in or being trained. We are struggling to make our budget, even the most basic things like bills. Our congregation is in danger of sagging under its own weight, because we are starting to look more like an oversized, comfortable couch potato church rather than one who is vibrant, passionate and quick to exit the doors into the world to be the hands and feet of Christ.

This is NOT the mindset of everyone, mind you. It is one mindset that seems to be gaining momentum against the other mindset of living and breathing Christ. Like I said, we are at a crossroads to see which mindset is going to play out in our church, and as a man and a minister, I have felt very inadequate to deal with helping direct the church.

Why do I bring this up, and what does it have to do with being overweight? As I read this book and thought about my desire for food, and the church's situation, the more Jesus was saying to me, "will you starve yourself to feed Me? will you give up, sacrifice, both literally and physically, your daily bread to let Me be your Food and Drink? Will you give yourself over to complete dependence on Me, so I can direct your steps, and help you direct the steps of my church at CK?"

So Monday, April 28th I had dinner for the last time. I pledged to fast until after I had preached on Sunday the 11th of May.

I'm really scared of actually putting this out, because I'm afraid of looking like a spiritual hero or something, and I don't want to wear this fast as a badge of courage or honor, or "look at me, look how spiritual I am!" Jesus warned me pretty clearly about that in Matthew 6. The reason I say this is simply to say HE IS FAITHFUL AND TRUE. He Is Real. He is doing everything He promised and more.

I have never been more aware of Him, or my need of Him, before now. being hungry sucks. But it is the realization that I need this more than food that is such a driving thing, that realization that my heart should not be fed what it desires, but instead be surrendered to Christ to let HIM feed it what it needs that is so captivating about this. It is not fun. I have wanted to quit numerous times since I started (especially with Lane's tri-tip barbecue - thanks for saving me some leftovers for the freezer!), but the rewards have been greater. I have been driven to dependence on prayer and the Word like food. I have had peace in very unlikely circumstances. I have seen God very clearly saying, "You are not doing this for you, you are doing this for Me. Let Me be glorified in this, and I will support you."

The best way to sum it all up was my Sunday Morning experience. I was preaching, and was at morning service, when it was time to take communion. At first, I was conflicted. "I said I wasn't going to have any food, but...does this count or not?" Then it was like Christ said to me "isn't this, all of this, about Me anyway? This is all about Me! remember ME! Feast on Me!"

If you've ever had the matzos at church, you know it's like ingesting white cardboard sometimes. The fiber's definitely there, but taste? Whatever. The cup, same way. Usually a bit sour, leaves an interesting aftertaste. Can't tell you how many times I see others pop gum or a mint right after taking communion, and how many times I've done it as well. It's like, ok we got that over with, now back to what we normally do.

Not this time. The bread was ALIVE. I could taste all the sugars, the wheat, everything. I was overwhelmed at how good it was. The cup held no bitterness, no awkward aftertaste. On the contrary it was liquid grape sugary goodness, full of flavor and power on my tongue, like the sweetest thing I had ever tasted.

And the tears sprung to my eyes as the Savior whispered to my heart, "If you were willing to starve out all the stuff you put into your life, how sweet would My love taste? How much more would you enjoy it? How satisfying could I really be to you, if you were willing to starve yourself of all but Me?"

Lord Jesus, never let me starve You to feed my desires again. You are better than that, and I want to develop a taste for You alone.

I feel like such a Dip...

That was actually my cat talking there. Yep, we found out today that Bella has (now had, we hope) fleas. Not really sure where they came from, but we found them pretty quick, according to the marital partner.

So I ended up going to Wal Mart to grab the collar for the cat and the dog, the carpet stuff to kill all the thousands of eggs that are no doubt sitting like little time bombs in our carpet, and most importantly, the tried and true flea dip. We then proceeded to coat every inch of our water-hating feline with flea slayer. The end result, as you can see, was a ticked off, but flea free cat.

They were congregating around her neck and face, for the most part, so at first I was rather unimpressed by the whole thing, but then when we got to the "mother load" up around her ears and cheeks, it was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. You put this stuff on some perfectly normal looking hair and skin of this cat, that you've already checked, and all the sudden there is this mass exodus of these little buggers trying to avoid going to mini-parasite heaven. But otherwise, you would never have known they were there, it was this complete covert infestation!

I read more about these guys on the Wiki, and they just sit there, under the surface, even on these very sparsely covered areas like the face and ears, and just chew away, making the host itch, making them irritated and just all around miserable. Eventually, if you don't kill them off, they can give your pet all kinds of diseases, even feline leukemia and things like that that will kill them!

And I said to myself, now that has spiritual significance.

Think about it. You and I have tended to put "sin" into this definition of large, sweeping actions that destroy lives. Murder, Rape, Adultery,Terrorism, things like that. And yet Jesus hits the heart of what sin really is in the Sermon on the Mount. It's not you actually murdering someone that is the sin. No, that is the height of the disease, the killing of the soul. No, the sin is the curses you mutter under your breath, the anger you hold onto instead of humbly seeking to resolve your issues with someone, the bitterness that poisons your relationships. They are the things under the surface chewing at you night and day until finally you have gotten so sick that you finally see the symptoms.

Likewise, it's not the adulterous affair that blows your family up that is the root of the sin. No, it was the me-first attitude that capitalized your thoughts night and day, the roaming up and down whatever eye candy happened to be present at the moment, the unwillingness to accept your spouse as they are and cherish them ahead of yourself, that eventually had you over in someone else's pasture long before you actually hooked up with your secretary or that hunky guy in the self-checkout line. It was the lust chewing at you, gnawing away and bleeding you of your resolve. And it is all happening in your mind and heart way before there is any indication on the surface!

I wonder how many fleas we have hanging off us day after day, sitting under the surface of our souls, just draining us of the ability to live the good life Jesus promised. Fleas of anger, resentment, greed, discontent, lust, dissension, hunger. Some are probably so deep WE don't even know they're there, much less let on to anyone else that we might have them. After all, if people knew we had a "sin infestation", they would quarantine us, right?

This was not a great, meaningful experience for my cat. She hated every second of it, and there were times where even I, in all my manliness, was struggling just to get her to HOLD STILL AND LET ME WORK! Trust me, I have the scratches to prove it.

Likewise, I doubt many of us would say that having God "search out my heart and mind, to find if there is any iniquity in me" would be a fun experience. The sins that gnaw at us are creatures of darkness, and shining the Light that can expose and neutralize them into our lives is often a very uncomfortable experience. After all, it's so much easier when they're just under the surface, and we can pretend they aren't there, right?

Just a reminder, there's no such thing as middle ground with sin. If we think we've reached a compromise or a good "balance" with such a thing, we're still just walking around infested. What we really need is a good Dip in the one thing that can drive them away for good, the Blood of the Crucified One.

Ok, enough preaching for tonight. Time to go take care of my DOG now....